Hey. Don’t just scroll past. Come back and watch this. You need it more than you know.
the time out of your day to watch this will not be wasted, I assure you.
Fucking watch this.
I don’t care what you’re doing right now or how busy you think you are.
Jesus christ, this is beautiful. I cried. I cried hard.
Please watch it. Stunning visuals, even more stunning poem.
This was actually hard to watch. All of it true, all of it so raw and true…It reminded me of things I didn’t want to remember. I wanted to stop watching it, live in my little boxed world that I created myself to keep my fake smile. The names I was called, the eyes that stabbed me, the tears I made to make an ocean, I forgot. My mind wanted to forget and this made it rush all the way in. It’s a nice message, it’s a nice meaning and I want to believe it. I want to grasp “they were wrong” so much but my hands can’t clench the thought. They can’t grasp the meaning because something in me doesn’t want me to and that is myself.
Sometimes I wonder what those kids thought when they called my ugly, when they called me stupid, freak, a man, writing fake love letters, saying my teacher only gave me an A because she felt sorry for me, when I was just 6 years old. 6. A child, I should have been worried about what swing do I go on but I was more worried about myself and the eyes around me.
I want to look at that mirror and say. I’m beautiful, I’m smart, I’m important, I’m special…but I can’t; it feels like lying and it will always feel that way. So how did I survive…I made myself a little box where only I can be inside. I screamed to the heavens “I WANT TO BE HAPPY, I AM HAPPY, I WILL SMILE” I kept telling myself that, I smiled more and people smiled back. Even if it wasn’t a real smile…it felt good to make another person smile and after a while I felt happy; till I left highschool and went to collage to fallow my dreams.
So many expectations, so many rules, so many ways to act, to see, to think. I show people better then me, more happier then me and that little dark thing in my mind grew. I tried to ignore, I tried not to cry, I told myself “I am strong, I can do this” but the box I had around myself fell and I sow everything again. I had a breakdown and turned into someone I didn’t want to be and dropped out of collage, I failed my dream. Trying to pick myself up again I failed allot, I quit 3 jobs and cried in the middle of one when thinking I wasn’t good enough and again I fell.
that is where I am now. crawling up a mountain to have happiness once again but instead I wont have a box around me. I want to live but I still fine myself trying to be in my safe little box. I know I can’t stay in there because it’s a lie…people just need to try hard. Very hard. Thoughts like this will always be with you no matter what you do. they wont go away, your depression wont go away but you can weaken in. Catch yourself when you feel depressed, write down how you feel, why you feel it, and how did you get that feeling.
" a person called me stupid"
"I felt horrible when called such a name, worthless, sad"
"they called me that because I made a mistake"
Then ask yourself, What proves that I’m not stupid. anything.
"I can talk, I can read, I like writing, I have thoughts, I can walk, I can draw, I can run, I can take care of my animals, I can smile, I can laugh"
then after that, re-read what you wrote then right down how you feel about the situation now.
in truth nobody is stupid. We all have a mind, we all have a thought and feeling, we all dream and dreaming is the most beautiful thing a person can do.